It's Official!

Beginning tomorrow, I will be part of the government's statistics on unemployed Filipinos.

I feel a little sad. I have grown attached to my PC, having shared 2 years of active, professional life with it. Hehehehe

But seriously, I am presently both happy and mad.

Happy because I can move on. I can do stuff I have wanted to do but couldn't because of lack of time or because it was unethical. I am free, and for that I am happy.

Mad, also, because I have been back-stabbed. I was a willing victim of an a**-licking and double-crossing intellectual leech! I shared everything I know with this low-life who knew a lot about selling equipment but nothing of process design. What do I get in return? Nothing but negative vibes! Oh, if only I had not promised to myself not to leak certain information to the industry...

But as it is, I am bound to keep this information to myself. I will let divine justice to take its course (with a little prodding from me once in a while to expedite it).

I am not completely in the losing end, though. I have been offered (by the same management) to take a rather drastically different path, albeit an interesting one.

I am cautiously weighing out my options. I am at that stage where what I do will determine the next 29 years of my life.

I am thankful that all these are happening now. My eyes are being slowly opened. I am learning.

The teacher will come when the pupil is ready, as the old saying goes. I hope I am an apt pupil (as an aside, I love this Stephen King short story).

An old chapter has just closed. A new one is beginning.

I pray for the strength and the grace to stand and move on...

By the way, for those asking, no I didn't have a date last night. I spent 2 hours in the brahma castle with my brother desperately trying to deal with shivan attackers and upgrading our status in the ashram in the process.

If you can't understand what I mean, you need to look around.

Heart Check

I am posting here an email I received from a friend who had just lost a loved one. It contains a very beautiful eulogy which touched my heart. This made me forget about my own real and present needs/worries temporarily, and check where my heart is.

To Jan, who wrote this eulogy, my sincerest condolences. You are one of the truest people I have met and known. For that alone I am thankful. But for always being a source of inspiration and wisdom, I am even more blessed.

HI

THANKS FOR BEING WITH ME IN THIS DIFFICULT TIME,,I AM SAD BUT WITH FRIENDS LIKE U TO BE THERE IN SPIRIT, I GUESS ILL MAKE IT THROUGH..HE DIED OF HEART ATTACK AT 58,,,HE WAS CREMATED LAST SUNDAY AND HIS ASHES BURIED IN LOYOLA IN MARKINA..SOME WILL GO TO US KIDS

TAKE CARE

JAN

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DAD WENT HOME
(a eulogy for my father)

I want to forget the day that my dad passed away. Yet I will remember him.

I ‘ll remember the times going grocery shopping with him at Cherry food o rama. I won’t forget the time he would take me to the barber shop. He would ask me to buy bread with him so we can have midnight snack together. I won’t forget the nights that we would stay up late and he would answer all my questions in world history. Dad was my first history teacher. He would pick me up at my parties or at UST, and sometimes, he would drive me and my sister to our prayer meetings. I won’t forget the times he took us out of town every weekend to visit his work place, eat bulalo and swim in the resorts nearby.

I know that dad did not have much to give .When I talked to him, he would apologize to me for not having any money to help me in the US or for my wedding gift..I told him that it was his kids turn and he had done enough for us. I told him to stay healthy and hang in there because I was coming home soon with my wife ,Tairii(teri).

My American dream was not for me altogether , it was for my parents too so I can petition them to live with me in the US. Ever since I came to the US , my dad was unable to visit me so it was my goal after my wedding to see him. I was too late. I will regret this for the rest of my life not seeing him for one last time.

I spoke to my dad three days before he died and he told me it was good of me to have gone and sought my future in America. I ask him how his health was and he said he was fine. I got pictures of him and he looked really healthy compared to the time I last saw him. My dad would conceal his suffering in order for us not to be sad.

Though he did not have much, my dad gave me freedom. He was very understanding because he knew that he will have to be away from his two kids for a long while so that they can pursue their dreams in the US and have a better life. He had nothing of value to leave us as pamana but he gave us freedom to be ourselves and to seek what we want to do with our lives to make our lives better.

My dad loved each of his three children as if he only had one child to love. I will surely miss him terribly and I hope he will forgive me for all the times I was not a good son.

When dad died, I went to see my sister Jolina and drove in tears on the free way. I was so weak but I knew my sister needed me and so I talked to my dad as if his spirit was there to just ride beside me so I can make it through the long drive. Its funny that I treat him now as my guardian angeland I really believe that he is with me forever.

I want to thank everyone here present who had given my dad care and love in these last few days.We all feel a lot of mixed feelings: ,sadness ,shock,denial, anger etc. but one thing is sure we all feel that my dad should not be dead.

Jan