FRIENDSHIPS THAT MATTER

No matter what happens, no matter what comes about, one can be assured of a warm smile.

Truth, no matter how it hurts, if it will save the relationship, should be upheld.

The tongue is an organ difficult to tame. It often has a mind of its own, by-passing the authority of the brain and heart. Asking harms no one but he who does not ask. The mind plays games difficult to fathom.

Is it based on need? Do you let go because you feel you are not needed? Isn't it as selfish as letting go because you don't need the other person anymore? Who ends it? Who says its over?

Reaching out and letting go.

Where does my path lead to? It's a crazy world I'm living now. Everything I've secured have fallen apart. It's like one giant wreaking ball gone loose over my life. Or a richter-tipping earthquake gone selective over which structure to demolish.

There is a threat to cut short my independence. All arguments point to a simple solution of letting go of the freedom I'm enjoying now. This is the easy way out. Pack up my stuff and move. But I'm not ready nor willing to give it up. I have invested too much. Planned too much. It's a "one step forward, two steps back" scenario. It ain't progressive. I am not letting go.

Which can't be said about my other comfort zone. I am at a loss. I have not intentionally done anything wrong. But i am sensing a lot of negative energy. Come to think of it, I haven't actually sensed anything but avoidance and a cold shoulder. Maybe there is a need to reach out. To ask. To find out. Bridge the gap. And if it fails, to let go. Or, what I should be letting go is this need to be reaffirmed. I am my own person. There is truth to the old adage, "tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are".

Nothing is final. The wind blows where it wills. I need more information before I could bend my future to my will. I need to be vigilant. Attune to warning signs around me.

What is important at this point is for me to reaffirm myself. Old beliefs are being shattered. New outlooks are being established. It's a major clean-up operation of my messy life.

tonight i start my journey.

it took me a long time to realize this. what i have to do. what i have been seeking. tonight i finally realize it. meaning. this is what i have been looking for all these time. touch people's lives. this is what i've always wanted to do. to find recognition and acknowledgement in others by being a part of their lives. nothing could be more noble, and yes even selfish, than wanting to be part of someone else's life.

i've sought this in an earth-based belief system and it has led me, and continuous to lead me, into widsom i could have only imagined possible in books, movies and songs. i am still learning. part of this learning is the realization of what i truly want and seek. my belief system reinforces my life purpose, or passion if you will.

emptiness - the state of being empty. void - an absence of everything except space. and if there is space, there is room for filling. there are a lot of stuff competing for that space. each trying to occupy the most volume. each is necessary for growth, my growth. i seek to fill that space, not with trivialities or mundane matters, but with elements worth saving. each is a treasure worth keeping for a time. and when the moment comes to let go of these precious stuff, i pray for the strength to do so. i am human, after all. frail. yet strong if i decide to.

so i go on this journey. i have all i need to start. what is essential later on will be picked up along the way. one step at a time. what is important is that i make the first step.

tonight i start my journey.

Confusion

mind in limbo, all thoughts scattered
can't think straight, no logic to be found
out of focus, can't decide
no direction, don't know why
restless and fidgety, staring blankly
options too many, choices so varied
which one comes first, and which one last
picking one is easy, if risks were not present